Friday the 13th

I've never been one to be superstitous, but on Friday, February 13th, little did I know, my world was about to take a 180 degree course change. 

Before I can explain what happened last Friday, I first need to back up and tell you what happened the day before, Thursday February 12th. It was a normal day, except for the fact that when I sent my kids off to school that morning I also had to leave. I was on my way to town for an 8:30am mammogram appointment. I was to go there, run some quick errands, pick up things for Dallin's 6th grade class Valentine's party (which was happening that day, due to no school the next day and Valentine's day on Saturday), run back to school to do the party, take my kids home, take a little nap and then proceed to Caleb's District Basketball game in La Salle. By 9am I knew my schedule for the day had changed.

I had arrived at Kadlec Imaging Center and checked in. They apparently have a special waiting room for Women doing these kinds of images. When I walked through the door I remember there being three other ladies, conversing as if they were all friends. They were talking about how they hate getting mammograms done and about their families. I'm sure they were probably wondering, as they looked at me walk in, what I was doing there as I looked much younger then them. I don't remember exactly what they were saying but I remember thinking, "you have no idea." Within a few minutes we were all escorted from the room one by one and taken to another area to prepare for the mammogram that awaited all of us. 

Know I don't know much about these kind of things because I've never had one of these scans before. I'm 38 and usually the recommended age is 40, but I scheduled an appointment because several months earlier I had felt a lump in my right breast. Please excuse this language if it makes you feel uncomfortable but I'm not sure how to describe this procedure unless I use the correct terms. You may ask, "why didn't you go in as soon as you felt it?" Because at the time it wasn't big and everyone woman knows, atleast in my case, that breast tissue can feel different from one time to the next. I just made a mental note to keep track of it. I had made it through the holidays, with a busy schedule, so I decided to make the phone call because it hadn't gone away and had actually gotten bigger. 

I scheduled an appointment on February 5th with a PA at the OBGYN office to get my annual physical because I knew during that, they'd also do a breast exam. I wanted to see if she felt the same thing I was feeling. I did one last exam to myself while I was getting ready that morning and realized I also had a mass in my left breast. It felt different then the right. My right mass felt like a big marble, I can't remember what those are called. Not a regular marble size but a big one, and it was round like a marble. My left side felt more like a big mass and it was much deeper then the right side. Needless to say, both were confirmed by the PA and she sent me downstairs to schedule a mammogram. She passed it off as not to worry, I was young, she was sure it was probably just a cyst but I needed to get it checked anyway. I've heard those EXACT words before...just 12 years earlier when I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at the age of 26.

I did not tell anyone about these appointments. Why? Having done this before I knew there was no reason to get all worked up over anything until I knew for sure... but it was a long ride home. Not because I was depressed or sad just thinking about everything that could change and what I may need to do if it did. A few days before my mammogram I finally told Shad what was going on. I told him not to tell anyone, and I could see on his face and knew why I had kept this to myself for so long. I have no idea what it's like to watch a loved one struggle with a sickness like this, but I can't imagine the concern and worry he must have felt.

So Thursday, February 12th, had arrived and I'm back in my waiting area getting ready for the mammogram. I knew very little about this procedure but one thing I did know, it wasn't good if they have to schedule an Ultrasound after, but I also knew that's its not uncommon if you have dense breast tissue, which at a younger age is highly possible. By 9:03 I was done with my mammogram and back in the waiting area. My technician came in and said not to get dressed yet because the Radiologist needed to take a look at my scans and see if we needed any other images. I took a phone call and the technician came back in and said we needed to do an ultrasound and we would go right then. I thought, "How convenient, they're getting me right in. I don't have to make another appointment to come back later." My technician's name was Michelle and I will be forever grateful to her. We then proceeded to do an Ultrasound for the next 20 minutes or so and again she left to visit with the Radiologist. As my ultrasound was underway I was conversing with Michelle about my past and my kids and family. I needed to lighten the mood a little bit in the room.

Literally 8 minutes later, the Radiologist named Tim Gromley (guessing on the spelling), came in and informed me of my results. He told me he was very alarmed at what he was seeing. I needed to get in immediately for a biopsy. He proceeded to show me my scans and told me again not to put this off, I needed to be seen immediately. I could sense the urgency in his voice. Dumb question, but thought I'd ask anyway, "Do you have an opening today?" They explained how they needed to get an order from a doctor and asked who my doctors were and if I had a surgeon in mind. Surgeon? Hmmm... I then gave them my list of doctors and asked if I could have 5 minutes to myself to process everything they were telling me. They left and I began to cry. Not for long because I remembered to BREATHE. I sat and starred at the my scans in front of me and thought, (excuse my language everyone)... "Know it's time to kick a little ass." I have six kids at home and a husband that needs me. I don't have time for this.

5 minutes later they both came back into the room, had an order from my doctor upstairs and asked if I could be back at noon for a biopsy. It was 10:17 and I had told them that I had a Valentine's party that I needed to do that day and asked if I could still get there in time, the party being at 1:45. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized, this is not something I want to rush, so I called Shad. He happened to be home because he was working nights Wednesday and Thursday that week. I told him what was going on and that what I needed him to do was take care of Dallin's party for me. I needed him to meet me at Winco in one hour. You may ask, "why was that so important, it's just a party?" Because that's my boy, and in the fast pace of the day so far, I realized this may be the last party I get to help with for a while. And I'm a mom, my kids will always come first. It's the natural instint of motherhood.

So I left and went downstairs to the TCL lab because I had a blood draw I needed to do to check my thyroid levels. That took 40 minutes because they couldn't find my doctors name in Seattle. I ran to Winco where I bought the food I needed for the party and games and met Shad in the parking lot where I explained everything. Not exactly the ideal spot to get that kind of news but everything was happening so fast! I told him this is what I needed him to do. Take care of our son. I would be fine, I din't need him there to hold my hand. I guess it was my way of protecting him too. I was affraid for him to see what was about to happen.

I had 15 minutes to get back to my biopsy. They quickly got me in and Denise and Michelle were my nurses with Radiologist Tim Gromley performing the guided Ultrasound biopsy. I won't go into details here but they took 5 samples from my right breast and four from the left. They were all wonderful and comforting in a moment of deep concern. They let me know that I should receive the results within 2-3 days. It being a weekend and a holiday on Monday, I realized that meant I probably would get them until Tuesday. They went to explain to me what I should expect. I reminded them that this wasn't my first time going down this road and Tim quickly said, "No, but this is a different road and it will be much rockier." They gave me a bunch of information and Tim even made me lunch from the doctors lounge. He brought me a turkey sandwich, muffin, grapefruit juice, and maple bar. Again, Hmmm... I thought, "they must be worried." They took me back to the small waiting room and let me eat because the numbing agent they used for the biopsy was making by body shake uncontrollably and they wanted me to get some food in my system before they ran another mammogram. Yes, I had one more mammogram before I left that day. As I walked out to leave they handed me a thick book entitled, Breast Cancer - Treatment Handbook. It's about 1 inch thick and they told me not to read it from cover to cover. Over the next few days as I had questions, I was to use it as a resource book. Hmmm... I thought, "You're already giving me this book. That can't be good." 

I then drove home with my Tylenol and ice packs, hoping I would feel ok enough to go to Calebs game. I knew I had to drive myself that night because Shad had his own doctors appointment that day at 4:15. Ignoring the list of things I had to do in town, I went home. I got home just before Shad arrived with the kids from school. I quickly hid everything so that my kids wouldn't see anything before I was ready to tell them what was going on. I realized there was a couple things I needed to pick up before the game that night, like cash to get into the game; so as soon as my older girls got off the bus I grabbed Makenna and we left back to town. I was glad Makenna was with me so we could talk about other things. One thing I learned from my last experience, was to stay busy. Keep your mind off yourself and the situation at hand or it can be overwhelming really fast.  I was thankful there was a game that night.

The next day, FRIDAY the 13th. Started out like any other day except since there was no school, so the scout troop decided to do a snow campout for the Deacons and a campout for the 11 year olds which included my two younger boys. Shad went with Dallin and they left arond 7:45am. I got the kids cleaning the house and helped Cameron pack his stuff for his campout. I explained to the kids that I had had a procedure done the day before at the doctors office and that I was very sore and needed their help today in the house. I was very sore but not so much that I had to lay around. I could still do things just the bending over movement was especially sore. Cameron had a friend come over and I laid down for a nap before I dropped them off. While I was dropping them off, a doctor had called my house and told my son Caleb that my test results were in. I later found out that because of his deep voice they thought he was my husband. Needless to say, that was probably their first inclination that something was going on. Needless to say, I also had a talk with the doctor, I was not to happy with them. Caleb then called me on my cell phone and told me. I also, recieved a call on my cell phone from Denise my nurse at the biopsy informing me that my test results were in. I had already dropped off the boys so I was by myself. She told me I should call the doctor immediately. I said, "Wow, 24 hours later and I already have the results, this must be good." Realizing deep down I was believing the opposite; negative news always comes back faster, in my experience. There was a pause on the other end of the phone. So to help the uneasiness of the pause, I replied, "I know you can't tell me the results, which doctor should I call?" I proceeded to call the PA upstairs that did my annual checkup the week before. She had given me her personal cell number and I realized it was her that had talked to my son. She didn't answer but called me back within 5 minutes. She told me my results were in and proceeded to read them to me. I told her I didn't understand all the terminology she was reading. She said, I'm sorry to tell you this but you have invasive cancer in your right breast with some other cysts and things going on. You also have invasive cancer in your left breast. She then told me to take time and enjoy my Valentine's weekend with my husband. We'll need it. I was alone the first time I heard the word CANCER and here I was again, alone hearing that word.