Biopsy Update

Dr. Droesch called today to check up on how I was doing and let me know that my pathology report came back on my lymph node biopsies. Right lymph node positive for tumor or cancer cells and left lymph node looks suspicious, so doing more testing. That would put me at a stage 3. When it rains it pours but I do love a spring rain.

Families Gift to Me

My husband and kids have been remodeling my bedroom for me over the past week, so that I will have something nice to come home to each time I have treatments or surgeries over the coming year. Rachael said, "Mom, you have to document this too." So here are some pictures of what they've been working on. It's not done yet but so much nicer then before. They've painted the ceiling, walls and doors, added carpet, added new light and doors and did all this to my closet as well. It felt good to get into this bed tonight even though my bedding is still in the dryer. :) Love my Family and all that they do for me in making sure my needs are met.

Just pulled the carpet and are pulling out all the staples. They thought this was fun!

Taping before painting the ceiling.

Makenna pulling staples.

Kiersten moved to the pry bar to remove staples.

 First time ever painting doors. Thank heavens for Youtube.com

 Here it is so far. Big thank you to Braiden, Jax and Halli for helping us move the bed and night stands in after school today. They're pretty heavy. Jax and Caleb even went under the house to move the phone cable for the internet, all while I laid on the couch.
Pretty flowers delivered by friends!

Mediport Inserted

This morning surgery came and went without a hitch. Love my surgeon! My incision is bigger then I thought and so is my bump but I still have a smile, probably because the local anesthetic hasn't worn off yet. He gave me some pain meds and nausea medicine but my body doesn't like pain meds to well so we'll see how long I take those. I'm pretty tender but still barking orders, according to my children, so I must be doing well. They keep telling me, "Mom, go lay down." I did lay down for 3 hours when I came home from the hospital and am resting now. I'm sure when my pain meds wear off I will be pretty sore. I've probably done too much and will pay for it tomorrow. Here are some pictures of the procedure and what mediport was inserted today. Don't worry, I cropped these to make sure they're "G" rated and not of me. My port is right next to my collar bone on the left side, unlike the picture below.

Power Port

Procedure

Biopsies Done

Today after I got the kids on the bus Denise from Kadlec Imaging called. She was one of the nurses from my first biopsy. She was letting me know that they had a cancellation and she saw that I had an order in for two biopsies and wondered if I could come in immediately and get that done. I reminded her that I lived 40 minutes away and I hadn't showered yet. She told me not to worry, get dressed and hurry in and she would squeeze me in whenever I got there. I called Shad who was just getting ready to get on a tractor and harrow (not sure if I spelled that right) our hay. He came home and we ran in. Needless to say my fears for this biopsy rang true. Similar procedure but it was done on my lymph nodes under each arm. It was a different radiologist and ultrasound tech in with me this time and I didn't have the same experience as my first time. I think they nicked a nerve on my left side and my left arm and side are really sore so I'm laying down the rest of today.

Tomorrow I will have my mediport inserted at 9am. I think Heavenly Father definitely has a sense of humor. I think I'm allowed to say this now as I have breast cancer, but for the last 12 years I have hated breast cancer. Only because there seems to be so much focus on breast cancer that the other cancers seems to fall to the wayside. Do you realize how much pink dye gets used in the month of October alone? Breast Cancer gets a whole month dedicated to its cause. Not to mention, I hate the color pink; always have. So Heavenly Father must have a sense of humor, as I not only have to fight this new breast cancer, but he gave me the pink cancer...and two of them.

I have learned today to be ready at any time for answered prayers. I need all of these scans done quickly so I can start chemo sooner, so I'm sure that cancellation and the nurse that noticed my order was an answer to our prayers. Thank heavens for answered prayers and the people providing them.

Sisters Ala Carte

This is hopefully a fun idea that we came up with to help our family out with meals. I'm worried about my girls getting overloaded with school, sports, house cleaning, meals, life etc. Spring is a busy time for most families with farming starting, sports and yards starting to grow. So in an attempt to help our family, not inconvenience yours and have fun together, we came up with this idea of Sisters Al A Carte. I've had the experience of staying in a few different hospitals and when I stayed at Kadlec in the past, they had an Ala Carte menu where you could order what you wanted to eat. The food was pretty good.

Seeing as my schedule could keep changing but my family still needs to eat, I wondered if freezer/crockpot meals wouldn't be the way to go. I would hate for someone to bring over a meal on a day when I was feeling good. I want to use that resource when we really need it. So before school, the kids could pick from the freezer what they want to eat, pull it out (so it thaws during the day), and put it in the oven after school for dinner. Or put it in the crockpot before school.

Sounds good, but how are you going to accomplish this? I met with one of my visiting teachers, Jennifer Lloyd and went over a few recipes that our family likes to eat. Jennifer and Kim Whitby then took those ideas and came up with a grocery list to supply food for 20 freezer meals. Amazing right? They then came up with two different ways friends can help. 1. There is a shopping list attached with items needed to make the meals. If you can provide some of the items on this list, please let Jennifer Lloyd know. Then you can drop the items off at Jennifer's house or Kim Whitby's house. 2. You can come help put the meals together, on March 3rd, 9am at Kim Whtiby's home. They will be preparing 20 meals.

All the food will need to be to Jennifer's or Kim's home by Monday March 2nd, 9pm.

I want any of my friends that would like to help with this to come. We'll see how this goes for March and adjust accordingly for April. This will be a fun way for ladies to come together, mingle with friends and serve in our community.

There are many acts of service that are done quietly and unrecognized but NEVER forgotten.

Contact Jennifer Lloyd or Kim Whitby if interested in helping.

MEAT:

3 Cans of chicken

3 packages of Costco chicken breasts

2 packages of Costco chicken tenders

13 Pork steaks

1 lb bacon

1 package of Costco meatballs

3 lbs raw hamburger

11 lbs browned hamburger

DAIRY:

1 Costco size sour cream

15 cups shredded cheese

1 cup whipping cream

1 ½ cup Monterey Jack Cheese

CANNED FOOD:

5   Cream of chicken

6    4 oz. Green chilies

4   Chicken broth

14   8 oz Tomato sauce

3   Olives

4   Great Northern beans

5   Sliced mushrooms

2   Beef broth

1   Chili Beans

2   Quarts of tomatoes

3   Kidney beans

2   Pinto beans

FRESH VEGI’S:

2 lbs. Broccoli

1 bunch Cilantro

9   Onions

2   Tomatoes

4   Green Peppers

  

MISC:

1   can French Fried Onions

16 oz. Salsa

1   package Corn tortillas

1   8oz can of V-8

1  package Lasagna noodles

1  package Linguine noodles

12   deep 9x13 tinfoil pans  ($ store)

Please do not feel you have to provide all of one item.  If you can only do part that is fine.

Oncologist Update

Met with the oncologist today, Eric Gamboa. He discussed with us our options for chemotherapy and surgery. He re-explained things we already knew. That I'm an unusual case because I have two breast cancers, one on each side. The triple negative on my right is more aggressive then the one on my left. He also felt the enlarged lymph node under my right arm and has ordered a biopsy of it. There are four scans/tests that need to be performed before Chemo can begin:

1. Ultra-sound guided biopsy of the right axillary lymph node.

2. MUGA-cardiac study. They need to do a study of my heart muscle to see how strong it is before they give me one of the medicines for my chemo because it has the possibility of weakening my heart muscle.

3. PET-CT-whole body scan. This is to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else in my body.

4. MRI of chest, to see exactly what they could be working with, size wise and such.

These four things have to be cleared through my issurance and performed before chemo can begin. They've tentatively put me on starting chemo in two weeks unless we can get these scans done sooner. I also have to input the mediport but that's supposed to happen this Thursday for surgery.

He is recommending chemo before surgery due to the size of my tumor vs. breast ratio. Also the fact that it could already be spreading up my lymph nodes due to a right lymph node being enlarged and the agressive nature of the triple negative tumor. He said the right breast will respond greatly to chemo, left breast not so much because of the kind of cancer it is, but it shouldn't progress during chemo.

I will have 16 weeks of chemo or 4 months. Two days every two weeks I will go in for treatments. I responded, "Well, it must not be that bad then. I've heard of people going in 3 times a week, every week." He responded, I'm giving you the strongest aggressive treatment I can give you to combat the type of cancer you have. I would not say that it's easy. He told me I will loose all my hair and that I should feel run down for a few days. He asked if I had morning sickness with my kids? I said no, not really. Considering you've had six pregnancies, thats good. Your body should tolerate chemo well then. I will be on 6 different chemo meds over the course of 4 months: cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, neulasta, anastrozole, leuprolide, paclitaxel.

After Chemo, I have 4 weeks off and then will have the double mastectomy. I will have to have radiation for a period after that and then possible ovary removal, again due to my age and the reoccurance of cancer showing there later. Side effect of chemo, is it can cause cancer later somewhere else.

I asked him if I could still go to church and he said yes, but we'll see what that means. I'm not supposed to be around anyone sick. If I have a temperature that gets to 100.4, I'm to immediately go to the hospital. He explained, no matter what time of day or where I'm at, go immediately to the hospital. When asked why, he said because you could have an infection and you won't have an immune system to fight it.

We've scheduled and are leaning toward doing chemo first versus surgery solely for the fact that it starts attacking the cancer wherever it may be. If my PET scan comes back and it has spread to another organ in my body that will change the game plan above. Probably still do chemo but may require different meds and surgery options.

I again asked this doctor if he was religious and he told us he considers himself a religious man but doesn't go each week. He prays and if he put himself on a scale he would rate himself a 7. He asked what religion we were, and I replied LDS and he responded he was catholic. I again told him that lots of people are praying for him and I and he appreciated that. There are different "Miracle" signs all over the cancer center so those were comforting to see.

This can sound daunting but we will get through this. I will be forever grateful for the prayers being offered in behalf of myself, my family and the doctors. There has been a lot of peace and strength so far in this process and I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. The support from our community is amazing! I'm so blessed to live in a place where people care about each other. It will take many working hands to help my family through this next year, and I will be forever in your debt. Love You All!

Post is Now Public

I didn't realize that when I setup this post privately, you're only allowed to invite so many people. So in an attempt to allow everyone to read it that has asked, I have opened it up to the public. All you should have to do is type in my blogs name pricelessmiracles2015.blogspot.com and it should open for you.

Doctor Update on Revised Schedule

The next steps of your care (in order) are as follows:

1. Meet with Gamboa and confirm plan for neoadjuvant chemotherapy (chemotherapy before surgery).

2. Place mediport on February 26th.

3. Following week I will also present your case at our local multidisciplinary breast cancer conference.

3. Proceed with chemotherapy. Chemotherapy will likely last 3-4 months. During this process will meet with Sarah Hall for genetic counseling and start screening process.

4. Complete chemotherapy and proceed with surgery.

MRI will be hopefully done sometime in next week. Will talk with my MA, Brittanee to look into progress. Dr. Gamboa will answer your questions regarding chemotherapy and may also order some additional testing prior to starting chemotherapy.

Back to Square One

Today the doctor called me at lunch while I was in town picking up things for the Eagle Court tonight and let me know that things have changed. He got more pathology reports today that included my receptor studies. According to what he learned from the pathologist, my right breast has a triple negative tumor, meaning I'm negative for estrogen, negative for progesterone and negative for HER-2/neu. What does that mean?

I have two different cancers, one in each breast. The one on my right is very aggressive and must be treated immediately, so the game plan is reversed from what you read earlier today. I need to get into chemo immediately, to try and kill the cancer that could be spreading throughout my body before we do surgery. Chemo saves lives because it attacks the cancer and kills it throughout your body. Surgery just removes the tissue that's already been infected. Only 15% of breast cancers are the kind I have in my right breast. Percentages never seem to work in my favor.

We will keep the surgical date for February 26th but will only be putting in a mediport that day for chemo. I have my appointment on the 24th witht the oncologist and until then I wait. Today was the first frustrating day.

Doctors Recommendations

This is the summary I asked the doctor to email me concerning our visit yesterday so I could put it on my blog. It includes the terminology I wouldn't remember. Loving this surgeon right now. 

Going over and beyond.

Rebecca,

Very nice meeting you and your husband.  As we discussed, here is a summary of my recommendations and your workup thus far:

#1 Your imaging and biopsy workup thus far has demonstrated breast cancer in both breasts.  Biopsy of each of these cancers has confirmed that they are invasive ductal carcinoma, the form of breast cancer that represents approximately 75% of all breast cancers.

#2 Regarding the diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma, we still are awaiting additional studies that clarify the subtype of invasive ductal carcinoma.  As I mentioned to you in clinic, we are specifically awaiting the estrogen receptor status, progesterone receptor status and HER-2/neu status.  These variables are relevant as these results may affect the timing of chemotherapy.  Specifically, some patients benefit from chemotherapy administered before surgery depending on their results.

#3 Based on your young age and the fact that you have bilateral breast cancers, I would recommend bilateral mastectomy, sampling of the lymph nodes as well as a referral to a genetic counselor so that you can be screened for any possible genetic mutations.  For example, the BRCA mutation recently brought into the public eye by Angelina Jolie. 

#4 Finally, I will be making a referral to Eric Gamboa, M.D. one of our medical oncologist whom I work closely with on all of my breast cancer patients.  I talked to him last night about you and he hopes to see you this week.

Please keep in mind, that are meeting yesterday was based on incomplete information.  We are still waiting for your receptor status and HER-2/neu status as noted above.  I have a call in to the pathologist to expedite this process and I hope to have an answer for you later today.   Depending on these results, our plan may change in terms of the timing of chemotherapy.

Also, as I mentioned to you and her husband in clinic -this is not a hopeless situation.  Although the diagnosis of breast cancer is certainly a daunting one, we will be with you every step of the way and we will take very good care of you. 

Best regards,

John

John T Droesch, MD, FACS

Breast Surgeon

It's Official...

Diagnoses: Invasive ductal carcinoma of right and left breast.

• Stage 2 Breast Cancer-possibly/probably Stage 3 after todays exam and further MRI and surgery. He found an enlarged lymph node under my right arm possibly another tumor. 

• MRI to be scheduled sometime this week as well as Doctor appt. with Hematology/Oncology and Genetics testing.

• Double Mastectomy with nuclear med injection and mediport insertion on Thursday, February 26th. Will spend atleast one night maybe two in the hospital with drains from each breast. Drains stay in usually 5-7 days, until the drainage stops.

• Depending on what lymph nodes look like after surgery, possible chance of needing radiation.

• Post-Op Appt. March 10th.

• Chemo to start 2-3 weeks after surgery, lasting 3-6 months. Not sure how long or dosage amounts of this yet, as not all my medical testing has returned.

The bullets above, list what we can remember from today. We asked him to email us an explanation we could send to the family on this blog, but haven't yet received it. Hence the reason this is arriving so late this evening. I knew everyone was waiting to read this so I'm sending what we can remember now.

We asked him many questions today. He was with us for almost 2 hours. We asked him if he was a man of faith and believed in miracles. He replied, "Yes, I'm a devout Catholic." We told him we were LDS and that many people were praying for him as well as our family. That this would be a team effort and that Heavenly Father's hand would be a part of this. His wife is 39 years old and he has four kids but plans on having six, through adopting kids from Ethiopia. I asked him if I could make a wig from my own hair? He said he didn't know, he's never been asked that before. He trained at UofW and Seattle Cancer Care Alliance where I'm currently a patient at both of those. So I asked him, "If this was your wife, where would you send her?" He said, I would send her to Seattle because I'm not allowed to operate on her. If I could operate on her, she'd stay here. No one operates like I do here. I'm not being arrogant but thats the truth. Do I have to be on a special diet during Chemo? He said he wasn't aware of any special diet, but I guess he's the surgeon not the oncologist. Those are some of the questionswe asked that I remember.

I was fine until we got in the elevator to go upstairs. I got a little teary eyed and just had to breathe. I really don't want to do this again! But felt at peace after our visit today with him. Hey, atleast it's not Stage 4:) This is a picture of the gift bag they gave me today. Ironic? The doctor said, I realize this sounds horrible... You have Breast Cancer, here's a gift bag. This bag was put together by Breast Cancer survivors with things that they found useful after surgery. It's a big bag.

Tender Mercy

I forgot to post this yesterday. On our way to town for family pictures, the low pressure light came on in our car while we were driving down 395, just before King City. No big deal, that happens sometimes in vehicles. We drove to my sisters house at 1:45 and met up with our photographers, which happen to be my sisters mother-in-law and sister-in-law. We then drove around for 2 hours taking pictures and drove back to my sisters house to drop off some things we had borrowed. As we went to pull away, Shad noticed that something was wrong with the car. He got out and found the front right tire totally flat. After he changed it with the spare and we dropped it off at the tire store, we realized that there was a good size hole in our tire. It should have easily gone flat while we were driving earlier, but it didn't.
Love Heavenly Father's tender mercies in our lives.

Family Pictures Sneak Peak

We have some cheesy smiles in our family. So thankful to Sarah's mother-in-law for taking these for us. This was a fast decision that had to happen today as there was no school and it was the day before meeting the surgeon. Again, everything has happened so fast that I'm worried I may be in surgery by next week or before this week is through so wanted to hurry and get something taken before then. We had to work with what we had at home since there wasn't any time to look for anything but I'm surprised how well our colors turned out.
Love my family!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with John Droesch, a breast surgeon in the Tri-Cities. We'll see what news he has to tell me. I always like to look online and see if there's a picture of the doctor I'm going to see, so it's not a surprise when they walk through the door. Not only is there a picture of him, but there's a tab under his picture that says video. If you click on it, it shows you what looks like a seminar that he presents on breast cancer. I'm including the link for those who'd like to watch it. Warning! It's 43 minutes long. 

http://www.kadlec.org/clinic/our_providers/john_droesch_md

We Believe in Miracles

First thing I want everyone to know is the calmness and peace I feel ever since hearing those words..."You have Breast Cancer." Everything is happening at such a fast pace I just remind myself to breathe. There is great peace that comes with the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. I'm not afraid of what's to come. I'm really not. If you've talked to me you've probably noticed how calm I am. How can she be like this with such news? I believe it's the first miracle that's happened so far. The miracle of Peace.

I feel so sorry for my family, all my family, extended included because I realize and know that this doesn't just affect me and my family, it affects a community and will take all of us to get through this. I'm thankful for the knowledge of our life before we came to this earth. I chose to be here. To gain a body and experience all that comes with that. Good and bad because we can't enjoy the good if we haven't experienced the bad. I can be with my family forever. What greater promise is there.

I am not eloquent with words nor do I claim to be a good writer. I'm keeping this blog in an attempt to help keep people aware of what is going on when they want to know it. In my week of thought between scans, before all the news was revealed, I had thought about if something like this happened, how to best let everyone know my circumstances and still feel in control of the situation.

Last time, I'm not sure blogging even existed yet but even if it did I wasn't allowed to touch anything because of how radioactive I was. This time will be different. I will update this blog as new things arise or as thoughts come so don't expect a daily update. I'm not making this a doom and gloom blog either. This is a blessing to our family. My kids will get to witness miracles that others only hear or read about.

Then why did you title your blog, "See Ya On the Other Side?" I'm not referring to death but much the opposite. When Shad and I enter the temple, everytime we split to go into our seperate dressing rooms he says, "I'll see ya on the other side," referring to the Celestial Room. If he doesn't, I quickly remind him that he forgot, he says it and we split to get dressed. He's done this for as long as I can remember. I think that's the perfect title for this blog because I'm using it to describe the other side of this sickness. When all is well, I'll See Ya On the Other Side, when this is all done.

I informed all of my family, meaning siblings and parents on Saturday, to and from Calebs basketball game. In which they won by the way, so we get to keep going to games next week. That gives me something to look forward to so I'm thankful for that. Caleb just swung up from JV for the playoffs. I realize he will probably never play but I still want to be there for him even when he's on the bench. He's quite handsome and is getting his Eagle award for Boy Scouts this week. Hence the reason none of you are reading about this until now. I did not want to take away from him on his night and I knew if people found out before then, the talk would be about me and not him that night. He's worked hard for this and my deal is going to be around for a while.

I received two blessing yesterday, Sunday, February 15th. One from my father and one from Brother Clyde. In all of this, I realize, I'm not only a wife and mother but I'm someone's daughter as well. Dad and mom are worried but like me are at peace after my blessings. Great promises were made and nothing makes me feel better, then to hear my Heavenly Father loves me and is pleased with me.

Today we are rushing to take family pictures. I do not know what this week will bring. But seeing how everything has happened so fast, thought family pictures today would be appropriate.

I love my Savior and Heavenly Father. We've asked the family to pray for three things: the Miracle of Peace, Miracle of Health or Healing, and the Miracle of Strength. We believe in miracles at our house. We've seen them before and we'll see them again. But I also know we need to ask, so if you would like to join us in your family prayers and pray for these things I would be forever grateful! Love you All!

Friday the 13th

I've never been one to be superstitous, but on Friday, February 13th, little did I know, my world was about to take a 180 degree course change. 

Before I can explain what happened last Friday, I first need to back up and tell you what happened the day before, Thursday February 12th. It was a normal day, except for the fact that when I sent my kids off to school that morning I also had to leave. I was on my way to town for an 8:30am mammogram appointment. I was to go there, run some quick errands, pick up things for Dallin's 6th grade class Valentine's party (which was happening that day, due to no school the next day and Valentine's day on Saturday), run back to school to do the party, take my kids home, take a little nap and then proceed to Caleb's District Basketball game in La Salle. By 9am I knew my schedule for the day had changed.

I had arrived at Kadlec Imaging Center and checked in. They apparently have a special waiting room for Women doing these kinds of images. When I walked through the door I remember there being three other ladies, conversing as if they were all friends. They were talking about how they hate getting mammograms done and about their families. I'm sure they were probably wondering, as they looked at me walk in, what I was doing there as I looked much younger then them. I don't remember exactly what they were saying but I remember thinking, "you have no idea." Within a few minutes we were all escorted from the room one by one and taken to another area to prepare for the mammogram that awaited all of us. 

Know I don't know much about these kind of things because I've never had one of these scans before. I'm 38 and usually the recommended age is 40, but I scheduled an appointment because several months earlier I had felt a lump in my right breast. Please excuse this language if it makes you feel uncomfortable but I'm not sure how to describe this procedure unless I use the correct terms. You may ask, "why didn't you go in as soon as you felt it?" Because at the time it wasn't big and everyone woman knows, atleast in my case, that breast tissue can feel different from one time to the next. I just made a mental note to keep track of it. I had made it through the holidays, with a busy schedule, so I decided to make the phone call because it hadn't gone away and had actually gotten bigger. 

I scheduled an appointment on February 5th with a PA at the OBGYN office to get my annual physical because I knew during that, they'd also do a breast exam. I wanted to see if she felt the same thing I was feeling. I did one last exam to myself while I was getting ready that morning and realized I also had a mass in my left breast. It felt different then the right. My right mass felt like a big marble, I can't remember what those are called. Not a regular marble size but a big one, and it was round like a marble. My left side felt more like a big mass and it was much deeper then the right side. Needless to say, both were confirmed by the PA and she sent me downstairs to schedule a mammogram. She passed it off as not to worry, I was young, she was sure it was probably just a cyst but I needed to get it checked anyway. I've heard those EXACT words before...just 12 years earlier when I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer at the age of 26.

I did not tell anyone about these appointments. Why? Having done this before I knew there was no reason to get all worked up over anything until I knew for sure... but it was a long ride home. Not because I was depressed or sad just thinking about everything that could change and what I may need to do if it did. A few days before my mammogram I finally told Shad what was going on. I told him not to tell anyone, and I could see on his face and knew why I had kept this to myself for so long. I have no idea what it's like to watch a loved one struggle with a sickness like this, but I can't imagine the concern and worry he must have felt.

So Thursday, February 12th, had arrived and I'm back in my waiting area getting ready for the mammogram. I knew very little about this procedure but one thing I did know, it wasn't good if they have to schedule an Ultrasound after, but I also knew that's its not uncommon if you have dense breast tissue, which at a younger age is highly possible. By 9:03 I was done with my mammogram and back in the waiting area. My technician came in and said not to get dressed yet because the Radiologist needed to take a look at my scans and see if we needed any other images. I took a phone call and the technician came back in and said we needed to do an ultrasound and we would go right then. I thought, "How convenient, they're getting me right in. I don't have to make another appointment to come back later." My technician's name was Michelle and I will be forever grateful to her. We then proceeded to do an Ultrasound for the next 20 minutes or so and again she left to visit with the Radiologist. As my ultrasound was underway I was conversing with Michelle about my past and my kids and family. I needed to lighten the mood a little bit in the room.

Literally 8 minutes later, the Radiologist named Tim Gromley (guessing on the spelling), came in and informed me of my results. He told me he was very alarmed at what he was seeing. I needed to get in immediately for a biopsy. He proceeded to show me my scans and told me again not to put this off, I needed to be seen immediately. I could sense the urgency in his voice. Dumb question, but thought I'd ask anyway, "Do you have an opening today?" They explained how they needed to get an order from a doctor and asked who my doctors were and if I had a surgeon in mind. Surgeon? Hmmm... I then gave them my list of doctors and asked if I could have 5 minutes to myself to process everything they were telling me. They left and I began to cry. Not for long because I remembered to BREATHE. I sat and starred at the my scans in front of me and thought, (excuse my language everyone)... "Know it's time to kick a little ass." I have six kids at home and a husband that needs me. I don't have time for this.

5 minutes later they both came back into the room, had an order from my doctor upstairs and asked if I could be back at noon for a biopsy. It was 10:17 and I had told them that I had a Valentine's party that I needed to do that day and asked if I could still get there in time, the party being at 1:45. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized, this is not something I want to rush, so I called Shad. He happened to be home because he was working nights Wednesday and Thursday that week. I told him what was going on and that what I needed him to do was take care of Dallin's party for me. I needed him to meet me at Winco in one hour. You may ask, "why was that so important, it's just a party?" Because that's my boy, and in the fast pace of the day so far, I realized this may be the last party I get to help with for a while. And I'm a mom, my kids will always come first. It's the natural instint of motherhood.

So I left and went downstairs to the TCL lab because I had a blood draw I needed to do to check my thyroid levels. That took 40 minutes because they couldn't find my doctors name in Seattle. I ran to Winco where I bought the food I needed for the party and games and met Shad in the parking lot where I explained everything. Not exactly the ideal spot to get that kind of news but everything was happening so fast! I told him this is what I needed him to do. Take care of our son. I would be fine, I din't need him there to hold my hand. I guess it was my way of protecting him too. I was affraid for him to see what was about to happen.

I had 15 minutes to get back to my biopsy. They quickly got me in and Denise and Michelle were my nurses with Radiologist Tim Gromley performing the guided Ultrasound biopsy. I won't go into details here but they took 5 samples from my right breast and four from the left. They were all wonderful and comforting in a moment of deep concern. They let me know that I should receive the results within 2-3 days. It being a weekend and a holiday on Monday, I realized that meant I probably would get them until Tuesday. They went to explain to me what I should expect. I reminded them that this wasn't my first time going down this road and Tim quickly said, "No, but this is a different road and it will be much rockier." They gave me a bunch of information and Tim even made me lunch from the doctors lounge. He brought me a turkey sandwich, muffin, grapefruit juice, and maple bar. Again, Hmmm... I thought, "they must be worried." They took me back to the small waiting room and let me eat because the numbing agent they used for the biopsy was making by body shake uncontrollably and they wanted me to get some food in my system before they ran another mammogram. Yes, I had one more mammogram before I left that day. As I walked out to leave they handed me a thick book entitled, Breast Cancer - Treatment Handbook. It's about 1 inch thick and they told me not to read it from cover to cover. Over the next few days as I had questions, I was to use it as a resource book. Hmmm... I thought, "You're already giving me this book. That can't be good." 

I then drove home with my Tylenol and ice packs, hoping I would feel ok enough to go to Calebs game. I knew I had to drive myself that night because Shad had his own doctors appointment that day at 4:15. Ignoring the list of things I had to do in town, I went home. I got home just before Shad arrived with the kids from school. I quickly hid everything so that my kids wouldn't see anything before I was ready to tell them what was going on. I realized there was a couple things I needed to pick up before the game that night, like cash to get into the game; so as soon as my older girls got off the bus I grabbed Makenna and we left back to town. I was glad Makenna was with me so we could talk about other things. One thing I learned from my last experience, was to stay busy. Keep your mind off yourself and the situation at hand or it can be overwhelming really fast.  I was thankful there was a game that night.

The next day, FRIDAY the 13th. Started out like any other day except since there was no school, so the scout troop decided to do a snow campout for the Deacons and a campout for the 11 year olds which included my two younger boys. Shad went with Dallin and they left arond 7:45am. I got the kids cleaning the house and helped Cameron pack his stuff for his campout. I explained to the kids that I had had a procedure done the day before at the doctors office and that I was very sore and needed their help today in the house. I was very sore but not so much that I had to lay around. I could still do things just the bending over movement was especially sore. Cameron had a friend come over and I laid down for a nap before I dropped them off. While I was dropping them off, a doctor had called my house and told my son Caleb that my test results were in. I later found out that because of his deep voice they thought he was my husband. Needless to say, that was probably their first inclination that something was going on. Needless to say, I also had a talk with the doctor, I was not to happy with them. Caleb then called me on my cell phone and told me. I also, recieved a call on my cell phone from Denise my nurse at the biopsy informing me that my test results were in. I had already dropped off the boys so I was by myself. She told me I should call the doctor immediately. I said, "Wow, 24 hours later and I already have the results, this must be good." Realizing deep down I was believing the opposite; negative news always comes back faster, in my experience. There was a pause on the other end of the phone. So to help the uneasiness of the pause, I replied, "I know you can't tell me the results, which doctor should I call?" I proceeded to call the PA upstairs that did my annual checkup the week before. She had given me her personal cell number and I realized it was her that had talked to my son. She didn't answer but called me back within 5 minutes. She told me my results were in and proceeded to read them to me. I told her I didn't understand all the terminology she was reading. She said, I'm sorry to tell you this but you have invasive cancer in your right breast with some other cysts and things going on. You also have invasive cancer in your left breast. She then told me to take time and enjoy my Valentine's weekend with my husband. We'll need it. I was alone the first time I heard the word CANCER and here I was again, alone hearing that word. 

Here We Go Again...

More Then Just A Number

I've seen many of these bands in my life time. Thankful to know that I'm more then just a number. Thankful for the knowledge of who I am, where I came from and where I'm going.