Last time I wrote I was almost done with radiation treatment. I finished that on October 29th. I had the radiation tech take a picture of me on the machine my last day so I could show my family what it was like. This machine would rotate around me and shoot radiation at the different spots of my body that needed it. It was very precise. It was a quick process but they had to align my body up in the same position each day using lasers to guide them. By the last week I was using burn cream each day. I wasn't in terrible pain but as you can see from a picture on an earlier post my skin had turned black and was strarting to break down. Eventually it all peeled off and looks really good now.
On my last day of radiation, I also had an appointment in Spokane to get a black spot checked out by my eye. I had noticed it towards the end of my chemo treatments and doctors wanted to make sure it wasn't Melanoma. I met with Eye Specialist, Dr. Kevin Micheals and he did a biopsy right in his office that came back benign. He thinks it was just a broken blood vessel but sent it off to be tested to be sure. Whew!
I have to write this down before I forget. In the Cancer Center, there is a big bell that hangs on the wall for patients to ring when they finish their radiation treatments. Over the course of my daily visits for 6 1/2 weeks, I had seen a couple ladies ring this bell. A group of people from around the office would stand around and cheer as each of them rang it one time. My first thought was always, "Man, they should ring that harder." I remember thinking, "When I ring that bell, I'm going to ring it 6 times. One for each of my kids."
According to the printed schedule I was given, my last day should have been October 28th but when I arrived that day, the radiation tech informed me that my last treatment wasn't until the following day. I knew I had a friend driving me to Spokane that next day already for that appointment and didn't want to ask her to drive me to Tri-Cities first before we left, so I drove myself. I kind of wanted to because I knew I would be a little emotional that day. Most people would say, "Aren't you excited? It's your last day!" But that's not at all what I felt. It was scary. Here's this monster I had been fighting all year and now you're going to tell me I'm done. Are you sure? Are you really sure it's all gone, because I would much rather keep fighting it to make sure then to have someone tell me in two years that it's back. It's much easier to fight the fight while you're in the war then to start a whole new war over again. So I drove myself.
I cried as I laid on the table that day. Lots of emotions felt. As I got off the table I thanked my techs as I did every day and they reminded me that I needed to see the doctor before I left and to make sure I rang the bell. I visited with the doctor and she told me to come back in 6 weeks. As I walked out in the foyer where the bell hung there was no one there. I thought, "I don't want to ring this by myself because I haven't done this by myself. So I thought, I'll go change and ring it when I come out; but when I came out there was still no one there. So I left without ringing the bell. I raced home and caught the ride for my next appointment.
At first when I started going to radiation treatments I thought the ringing of the bell was kind of silly. But I realized that I was sad when I didn't take my turn. That was on a Thursday. That following Sunday I was at church and we were in Relief Society, where most of the women (Sisters), who aren't teaching children somewhere else in the building, meet and instruct each other. At the beginning of class I was called unexpectedly to the front of the room. I caustiously went to the front of the room wondering what was going on and then I noticed a bell. I immediately was flooded with emotions of gratitude and started to cry. I realized that this was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father. No one was there that day in the office because I needed to ring the bell with all my sisters who have helped me so much throughout the year. One of them who had driven me earlier in the week knew that on the last day I would be ringing the bell so she texted me that day to see that I had done it. When I replied, "No," she asked me if I really hadn't and I told her why. She brought her own bell for me to ring at church and it was so much more appropriate. Oh man, in that moment, the flood gates were opened by everyone. Grateful for answered prayers through friends who are guided by the spirit.
I have continued physical therapy 2-3 times a week since my bilateral masectomy. That has really helped with my arms. I didn't realize that when they take lymph nodes out when they perform masectomy's that it would change my life so much just in day to day activities. I can never have an IV in my arm or hands again. Hence, when I went into my surgery last week I had to get it in my foot. I can't take my blood pressure on my arms or draw blood from them either. When I fly, I'm supposed to wear compression stockings on my arms. All of this to prevent lymphedema, the swelling in the arms that once you get you can never get rid of fully.
I met with Dr. Gamboa at the beginning of November for a follow-up and injection. It was bitter sweet because he was also Steve Danz's doctor. I had an appointment with him the Monday after Steve passed away. I started to cry when he walked into my room. I told him that I realized he couldn't say anything to me but that one of his patients was my friend and neighbor and he had passed away that weekend. He asked who it was and I told him. He said, "Yes," and told me what a nice couple they were. Puts everything in perspective. Grateful for the visit I got to share with him before he left this earth life and for his example to all of us to care for one another and serve always.
I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family. My mom knows how to decorate beautifully! What a festive table and room!!
Got to attend Caleb's last football game and sad to see the season end. Though he wasn't able to play due to his hamstring, for most of the season, they were sure fun to watch! Love good friends and these brother/sister pictures.
Enjoyed the tradition of Black Friday shopping with my sister, the day after Thanksgiving, but this year was different because I brought my older girls and Rachael's roomate Bry from Kentucky. We had lots of fun finding good deals but I couldn't last as long as I normally do so we went to a movie and lunch to end our nights festivities.
Knowing that surgery was coming on the 10th, I got everything organized and wrapped for Christmas. I reported last Thursday for my last and final surgery. Again, lots of emotions as they were prepping me for surgery. I realized while in the prepping station that I was the youngest one in the curtain. That was a sobering moment. Have I finally hit that age where I'm the oldest one in the room? I'm not even 40 yet. I turned to my anesthesiologist and said, "You've done this a few times right, because you look really young?" She smiled and said, "Yes, I'm 35." I guess that was supposed to make me feel better. Yikes! And the girl who put my IV in my foot, that was her first time doing an IV in the foot since college. Glad it went smoothly.
It was decided that I would get a full hysterectomy. I didn't realize there were different kinds. Normally they would just remove both ovaries because it's the estrogen they're trying to stop since one of my cancers feeds off estrogen. But seeing as my body likes to grow cancer and I have a higher chance of getting uterine cancer due to the chemo and radiation, I opted to take it all. Hard to be a woman and realize everything that physically makes me that way is gone. Doctors will say, but we have a surgery that can fix that; but you can't fix everything. You can't bring feeling back and nothing will be as it was before.
I've learned through this process, that it was harder emotionally before I lost parts of my body then after. The thought of loosing something before it happens can be very daunting, so I wouldn't put much thought into it until right before going into surgery or cutting my hair off etc... because it can be so sad. But as I sit here typing this, it's all gone and I'm still here. I may look a little different but I'm still me. I'm the same Daughter of God that was diagnosed in January. Doctors can't change that. Hopefully a little wiser and kinder and skinnier. There's got to be a plus to loosing things from your body right?
We can never understand totally what someone else is going through because we all have had different life experiences and trials. But it's through those experiences and trials that little by little we learn how to help each other and empathize with our friends in some small way. I will always be classified as a Cancer patient from now on but just because I've had three different cancers in my life time doesn't mean that I'll know exactly how to help a friend that gets diagnosed because our experiences and reactions will be different. But because of what I've been through I hope that I will be able to help friends in ways that I do recognize and understand to some small degree because I have done something similar and hard and survived.
At the beginning of the year I wrote how my family and kids will get to witness blessings and miracles that others only read about. I wrote why I titled this blog, "See Ya On the Other Side." We've witnessed many blessings and miracles, some of which you've seen or read about and others that are private. I am On the Other Side. I'm recovering from my last surgery. I've been warned to take it easy and lay low for several weeks and I'm heeding that warning. I want to enjoy Christmas with my family and feel that I am present and not just laying there watching the festivities take place. I had a friend ask me once what my favorite holiday is. And my reply isn't a common choice, "Christmas Eve." "Why Christmas Eve," she asked. And I said, "Because I love the anticipation and excitement that awaits for Christmas. I love knowing how excited everyone will be when they open the presents I've purchased. I love the magic and spirit that awaits and comes with Christmas. I know that that same spirit and desire for the Greatest Gift of All, our Saviors birth was present years ago. Because of his birth we will all live again. He is the Greatest Blessing. He is the greatest Miracle and I will See Him On the Other Side.
