Attitude is Everything!

6th round of chemo under my belt. I was determined to go to chemo with a good attitude this time. So I listened to the song, "I think I'm Gonna Like it Here," off the new Annie soundtrack on my way in. Just trying to stay positive. :) I'm not a selfie taker, but thought I'd be brave and post a couple shirt pictures that family has given me.

I have about half my eyebrows and eyelashes still.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I have been feeling better this round of chemo then last time. Several fun side effects that I won't list but manageable this time around. I got to attend my daughters last Senior choir concert last night and it was indoors. The beginning of a lot of lasts for my oldest. Thankful that I feel well enough to attend her events these last few days. Big blessing from the doctor as well. He moved my chemo treatment scheduled the day before her Graduation to the Monday after Graduation. Hallelujah!! I should be stong enough to attend the weekends festivities. Thank you Doctor Gamboa!

Love this girl and all her friends. 

Thank you Mrs. McGary and Mr. Kitson for a wonderful evening of music! 

Love to see my kids perform.

Cleared To Watch My Kids

Yesterday I went in for my one week post 5th Chemo appointment (tongue twister but that's what it was). Since I started a new chemo I needed to go in and get my blood drawn to see how my body is reacting to the Paclitaxel. Sometimes I think, why do I need to come in and get pocked again? I can tell you how my body is reacting. I can feel it... it hurts.

It hurts everywhere and for a longer period this time. The combination of chemo and injection is really hard on my bones. I have shooting pain in my bones everywhere, even my head; but not constantly thankfully. When it's not shooting pain it feels likes fireworks inside my bones. Firework pain is better then shooting pain. And pain for me is better then nausea, so it sounds worse, but it is probably better then the last chemo. This went from Saturday and continued on and off until Wednesday on a regular basis. Now I just get little twinges throughout the day.  Muscle aches, headaches, night sweats, hot flashes, the list goes on...are just part of the norm now. I did find out I'm anemic and my liver is having a hard time but not bad enough for an infusion, so I'm thankful for that.

The best news of the day...I was cleared to attend my kids events this weekend. My white blood count is high (ironic, considering I feel the best when my white blood count is low). So I got to attend Cameron's last baseball game last night and the kids Sub-District tract meet tonight. I'm so excited!! Worried for Makenna. She's been battling a fever, sore throat, body aches and shin splints the last 36 hours. I just told her to do her best and run fast. Block the pain for one lap. I realize that's easier said then done but I reminded her that Rachael ran her State Cross Country 5K having got the stomach flu just hours before her race started, so I know she can do it!

I've been able to a little cooking and laundry over this past week. Thankful for these opportunities that sometimes seem mundane in our every day happenings as a mother, but so grateful to do them now. I love being a mother and the responsibility that comes with that title. I could go on and on about this, but this sums up my thoughts right now:

5th Chemo Update

Today was my fifth round of chemo with a new regiment of Paclitaxel. Much longer therapy session from 10-4, but happy to report that I had NO allergic reactions. I'm required to take more pills compared to last time and different side affects, but aside from being really tired, probably from the Benadryl they gave me through IV, flushed face and night sweats and I'm doing really well right now. They told me I should feel less nauseous, if at all, this time, but I will start to fill bone pain and bad charley horses around days 4-5. I still have injections on Fridays for my white blood count booster. This just makes me feel like a have the flu for about 3 days.

Grateful to be feeling well right now and on the second half of my chemo treatments. The above side affects are just little annoyances I need to endure to reach my final goal. I read stories of other peoples trials and wonder how they do it. Cancer is a scary word but there are many more silent adversities in peoples lives that are scarier then cancer. We all learn things when we have trials in our lives. That's why we have them. They help us learn and grow and progress in Heavenly Father's plan for us. A few things I have become more aware of through my trials:

1. Everyone has them. Silent or outspoken, no ones life is perfect and what a blessing that is.
2. You can't judge another persons situation if you haven't walked in there shoes.
3. No matter how bad today is, tomorrow always comes.  
4. I feel better when I serve others. It takes my mind off my own problems and I'm able to accomplish more in my own life when I help others.
5. I can never understand others problems in totality, no one can; even when I'm going through a similar scenario. But, little acts of service one to another can help one feel whole even though they can't understand or comprehend what you're going through. 
6. All talents, big and small are important.
7. I love where I live! I've been blessed with great friends and community who support my family in all that we do. I realize I could never thank everyone for the acts of service done in behave of my family because I don't know all things that get done. I do know that the best way for me to say thank you is to serve and give back when I can to others as well. Pay it forward.
8. Heavenly Father is always there. He is listening. I am his child and he wants to hear from me. He loves me and I love him. And I love all of you who pray in my behalf. I know he hears our prayers and blesses us. 

Grateful for Sunbeams

This week has been the best week so far, since this whole process got started several months ago. My body still has it's little annoying issues that come from chemo but overall I have felt so much better. Tiredness is just part of my life now and I'm learning to manage it. I cooked some meals for my family this week and kept the wash going. I haven't done that in months. Not necessarily because I physically couldn't do it, but the smells usually keep me out of the kitchen.

A couple weeks ago my kids were cleaning the house and I can't be in there when they're using cleaners, so I went for one of my first walks outside. I slowly walked three laps around the trees in front of my house. It totally wore me out and put big blisters on the bottom of my feet but it felt so good to be outside in the sunshine. Frustrating how the simplest things can wear me out now, but when I was done I laid down on the grass under a maple tree in my yard and took this picture.

When I took it, I didn't see the sunbeams. I just saw that my beautiful tree was just starting to get its leaves and I thought it was pretty. It wasn't until I looked at the picture on my phone that I saw the sunbeams coming down. The main burst of sun, shining down on my house, supported by lots of other little sunbeams around it and I started to cry.

At church, our little 3 year olds attend a primary class and we call them the Sunbeams. They sing a song that says:

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam

to shine for him each day.

In every way try to please him

at home, at school, at play.

A sunbeam

A sunbeam

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.

A sunbeam

A sunbeam

I'll be a sunbeam for him.

That simple song brought new meaning to me that day. I hope that in this small moment of time in my life that I can be a sunbeam for others. I realize it's the little sunbeams, friends and family, that surround me each day that help me shine. So grateful for all you little sunbeams in my life that surround and support me and my family when we need it!

Mom Humor

These made me laught today so thought I'd share.

Half Way Done

Meet my new friend and constant companion.

I've always kept this friend close by just in case I needed him and today I needed him twice before chemo treatment even started. Oh dear!! Not because of nausea but the smells associated with it. So thats the negative side but like anything in life where there's a negative there's also a positive. I did feel so much better when I was done! Until it started again a couple minutes later. :) As your taste buds start to go south because of the metal taste in your mouth your sense of smell tends to take over and become much stronger. So smells can instantly set off my nausea. 

So... overall, today has been my hardest chemo treatment, but I'm halfway done and start a new chemo next time. I'm supposed to feel less nausea with that one but there are some interesting side effects with it. Basically, my nurse told me that there will be three nurses watching me for the first 15 minutes of the drug and if I make it past 15 minutes without incident I'm good. Hmmm...that sounds promising. 

I did notice a cute cancer patient walk in behind me today with a grass green jacket on that was so cute! I told her how I loved her jacket and she said thankyou but you can't have it. I told her I did notice we have the same hair stylist though and we all laughed. I will need some of that laughter this next week. So here's some funnies for today and strength and courage for the coming week.

Having Courage & Trusting the Lord

According to the dictionary, courage is

1. The ability to do something that frightens one.

2. Strength in the face of pain or grief. 

Courage over the past couple months has been...

• Proceeding with faith even when I'm scared.
• Staring at an image on screen and thinking, This is not me. You will not beat me.
• Hearing the word "Cancer" again, and after a short pause asking, "Can you fit me in today?"
• Peace and comfort, when everything around me seemed to be happening so fast.
• Allowing myself a moment in the shower to cry where no one can see.
• Accepting service from others in my families time of need.
• Sitting in the breezeway instead of the waiting room at the Cancer center because I know I shouldn't be there.
• Having my children shave my head.
• Missing my kids activities to protect myself while fighting cancer.
• Showing up to chemo appointments, wanting to be anywhere else.
• Eating when I want to do anything but eat.
• Fighting for my life because my family needs me and I love them more then anything! 
• Praying because the only person who knows exactly how I feel is at the other end listening.

"You don't ever realize how strong you are, until being strong is all that you have left." 

"Being brave doesn't mean that I'm not affraid."
"Brave is just acting in faith."
"When we know we don't want to face it but we have no other option. We just have to push forward."