Why Didn't the Angel Just Take Him Out?

DISCLAIMER: I Did Not Write This but I love what she said and how she said it. Attached below is the link to this ladies blog. (I deleted the picture of her daughter, Jane.)

http://lessonsofamother.blogspot.com/2015/07/why-didnt-angel-just-take-him-out.html

Why Didn't the Angel Just Take Him Out?

I read Jane the story of Daniel in the lions' den tonight. When we got to the part where the angel appears and shuts the lions' mouths she asked, "Why didn't the angel just take him out?"

Don't we all ask God that question sometimes?
"Why aren't you taking me out of this situation?"
"Why aren't you taking away this illness?"
"Why aren't you fixing this problem or this relationship?"
"Why aren't you answering my questions or taking away my doubts?"
... I KNOW YOU CAN! Isn't that faith? And isn't faith supposed to produce results?

So Jane presents a valid question. If Daniel was a man of great faith, and faith produces miracles, why didn't the angel just take him out of the lions' den? He could have.

Because if he did, Daniel would have missed the whole experience of being IN the lions' den but not being eaten alive.

He would have known God's power to deliver him FROM difficulty, but he wouldn't have experienced God's power to deliver him IN difficulty. That's a whole different level of power and requires a whole different level of faith.

There was not just a single lion in that den. There was a whole group of lions ready to rip Daniel apart, but his faith was sufficient and God's power was sufficient that none of them got a single bite. 

At times in our lives we feel like we've been thrown to lions, lots of them, all ready to eat us. But instead of spending our energy wondering why God isn't taking us out, we can step back and realize, "I'm not being eaten alive in here... even though I should be. Somehow I'm going to come out of this alive." Then look around and see God's angels who are holding back your lions...

...At times I've begged to just be taken out of this. But look at what I would have missed! I would have missed the angels, on this side of the veil and the other, who have literally held back the lions' jaws. I would missed a deeper relationship with God and I would have missed the person I've become. 

So take another look at your lions, and be grateful for them. When you experience deliverance IN the lions' den, suddenly your faith and trust rise to a whole new level, one that never would have been possible had you just been delivered FROM it. 

Quick Update of Events

I realize I haven't posted in a long time and many things have happened, but typing right now is hard for me to do.  One of the symptoms of my last chemo is tingling and numbing of my hands and feet which makes it difficult to do things that require little movements with my fingers and toes. I mess up typing a lot because I can't feel the keys and where I'm at on the keyboard. Hopefully that will come back with time but the doctor said he can't promise that it'll all come back. For this reason I will just list things that have happened or will happen in the next couple months.

June 22 - Last chemo treatment. Exciting but nervous at the same time because I could still feel the tumors and didn't know what that meant for later. I took Rachael, my oldest child with me, and she ran errands for me as I went through the first part of my treatment. My sister surprised us with Costa Vida for lunch and the nurses sang to me and gave me a bottle of Sparkling Cider to celebrate; and No, it wasn't "Sheffield Cider." We need to get them a bottle so they can taste the difference. :)

June 24 - Received Genetic Testing Results. I forgot to mention anything about that. At the beginning of all this, I had some Genetic Testing done to see if this ran in my genes and could possibly pass it on to my kids and/or siblings. They ran a huge panel and it came back negative. Great News!! My body just likes to grow Cancer.

July 9- Pet scan. I was told I couldn't do any activities for 48 hours before the scan. Just sit. If you know me, that's hard to do but I did find a project to keep me sitting. I typed up recipes for Rachael's cookbook for college.

July 13 - Met with Dr. Gamboa for Pet scan results. Tumors have shrunk significantly in size and cancer hasn't spread. Continue plan to have surgery and radiation. More Great News!! Start Leuprolide injection, which blocks the release of estrogen in my body. I receive this every 3 months until my ovaries are removed. Start taking Anastrozole every day for the next five years. Both of these are hormone therapies. Anastrozolel fights cancer. These both have many side effects that I will have to watch for. Some hard to tell since they mimic the chemo side effects I already have, like hair loss, bone pain and weight gain. Lovely :(

July 17 - Met with Dr. Droesch to schedule Double Mastectomy. Monday, July 27th is the big day. I wanted to do it next week but he has to leave town for an adoption and he doesn't want to leave me under another doctors care right after surgery. I was told from start to finish it would take about 8 hours. I should expect to stay in the hospital for 1-2 nights, he's guessing two because it's a double mastectomy and wants me to be able to manage my drains well before I leave. Drains usually stay in 5-10 days. After healing, I will need physical therapy for my arms.Radiation can start 4 weeks after surgery.

I got ambitious and tried to get some projects done before surgery and school starting. I fell painting the kids rooms and hurt my arm pinning it between the slats on the kids bunk beds. People ask, why didn't you call? Because it started out as one of those little projects just switching the boys and girls room. We emptied the rooms and I realized it would be much nicer if I just hurried and painted the walls and ceilings, not taking into account I'm not really stable on my feet right now. Long story short, the rooms are done and my arm is not broken, just really sore wrist.

My endurance is coming back slowly but I've been told that radiation will wipe me out. We'll see. :) I would rather be tired from pushing myself then sitting all day. I know next week will be hard emotionally and physically but grateful to be this far. One week to get ready for Stage 2. Bring it on. The closer it gets to New Years the better.

Claritin and a Transfer Button

So I've got to write this down before I forget and while it's still funny right now. It wasn't funny a few weeks ago but now I can laugh at it. I'm having a hard time sleeping due to the heat and my night sweats and hot flashes aren't helping at all, so I thought I'd try to get caught up on my blog.

I've got to put this blog entry in so I will remember some of the commical sides to this fun adventure this year. For my last four chemo rounds, I've taken a different chemo drug called Paclitaxel. Like any drug taken, it has many side effects. Some I've written about and some left private for modesty reasons.

The night before I go into these treatments I'm to take 5 Dexamethasone. I was told it's a steroid to help with some of the side effects that can take place when they give me this chemo like: shortness of breath, my chest feeling like it's only got 25% of the capacity to breath that it normally does, bad charly horses in my legs, etc. And that's when they warned me that they'd have several nurses watching me the first 15 minutes in case I had a reaction and so forth. My first thought was, "Wow 5 pills! You couldn't condense those into one? And three nurses? What's going to happen that you need 3 nurses watching me like a hawk for 15 minutes?" And these are the things they tell you about, but I've learned over the past several months there's many things they don't tell you about. Hence, why we need what I call the "Transfer Button."

I love my doctor and nurses! I don't want anyone to take from this differently, but sometimes what you read and study in a book can be different then what's happening in front of you. Everyone knows what I'm talking about. You don't have to be sick with cancer to have the age old problem of trying to explain to the doctor the symptoms you're feeling inside your body. It's like taking the car to the mechanic and trying to mimic the sound the car is making and he should just know what's wrong when you make that sound right?

Well, I was given the short side effect list above before treatment, but no one warned me of the bone pain I quickly experienced after I went home. I was told that if I did start to experience leg pain to take a Claritin. A Claritin? Ok, I'm not an expert on medication but I've seen enough commercials to know that Claritin is an allergy drug. It helps with sneezing, runny nose, itchy, watery eyes, itchy throat or nose, that kind of thing. No where on that list does it include helps with bone pain. He said to take one pill a day for three days when I receive my injection shot the day after chemo. He said that they've had great results with patients who've done this. Great! So we purchase Claritin on the way home, because who am I to question the doctor on something he says works for others. Seemed like an easy solution to something that could cause a lot of muscle pain from what was being described to me. Again, how Claritin was to help with that, I didn't understand but I followed the doctors orders.

24 hours later I received my injection and about 3-4 hours later my flu like symptoms had set in but so did the bone pain. It started in my skull and moved down my neck and across my shoulders. It then shot pains down my legs or sometimes it feels like fireworks of pain in my legs. This lasted 3-4 days like he said but it wasn't muscle pain it was bone pain. So when I saw him again a week later for my follow-up appointment, I explained to him what I had experienced, that it's in my bones not my muscles. He then asked me if I had taken the Claritin that they told me to take. Time for my "Transfer Button." Sometimes I feel like we need a transfer button, so the doctor can feel what we're feeling. I just needed that button that day to push and say, "Here! Feel this! Does this feel like something you'd take a Claritin for?" So I responded to his question, "Yes, I took it for 3 days just like you said." He then asked, "Well, did you notice a difference?" I replied, "I wouldn't know. I took the medicine just like he instructed. So I'm not sure what it's like to not have the medicine inside me when I have these symptoms, but I'm trying to tell you now that it's still pretty bad even when I take the medicine. Do you have something stronger then a Claritin I could take? Like a pain pill for example. I have several of those on my window sill? Could I take one of those? How about Benadryl, that might put me to sleep for a few hours of relief. It's an allergy medicine."

At the time, this was a serious conversation, but today I can laugh at it. I have received some relief the next few chemo rounds by him suggesting I keep taking more of my steroid pills those first three days to help with the pain and it has. But I'm still waiting for someone to invent the "Transfer Button," and I will never look at Claritin the same way again.

Cancer, Didn't You Learn the First Time

I’ve had a very busy week. It’s been good but very exhausting. Each day has pretty much been a “normal mom” day this week and today I’m feeling the effects of all my efforts. So, aside from making our Father’s day meal, which most of it I prepared yesterday, I’m laying low. I did try to surprise my dad and husband by attending Sacrament meeting today though. J

As I lay here on my bed, I started to think about tomorrow and what it means, “Last chemo treatment.” People say, “aren’t you excited for your last treatment?” Excited probably isn’t the word I’d use. There are lots of emotions and thoughts that come with that question. It’s the end to one chapter of this year, a long one, but there’s so much still to come. As I sit here, I’ve gone back and read some of my first blog postings. I made myself cry, for so many reasons! I can’t believe it’s been 5 months since this roller coaster started. I feel… not sure how to put into words. I just breathe and am grateful. I’m sure my post tomorrow will be an emotional one.

Rachael told me the other day she thought she found a 5k race in the Tri-Cities in August that she thinks the kids should run in. She wants three of them to wear blue shirts that say, ”Cancer, didn’t you learn the first time…” and three of them to wear pink shirts that say, “you’ve messed with the wrong mom!” That put a smile on my face.

Shout Out to Teachers, Neighbors, Friends and Family

Since this whole process started at the beginning of the year, many acts of service have been conducted on behalf of my family. Words can not express the depth of gratitude I have for the staff in our schools, neighbors, friends and family. Not only locally but around the world. Many people have asked what they can do to help. In the beginning, it was all about prayer and still is. I have seen the Lord's hand in our lives many times over the last several months. Miracles of peace, strength and comfort as well as health. My family really hasn't been sick except for a little bout we had with fevers and flu symptoms but I never got it. Blessing!

As people have asked what they can do to help, I just remind them that if there's not something right now, don't worry. I promise I will call if I need help. This is a full years process and I will need help in different spurts throughout the year. We've had several thoughtful secret deliveries to our house, some with unsigned notes, others just delivered. I have no idea who they're from but know that our family has been blessed and yours will be too as service always brings blessings.

As the school year comes to a close, I want to thank all my kids teachers and staff. They have not only shown love and support in the classroom but in our home as well. Mesa Elementary staff has brought treats into our home each Monday night, for our family night, since this whole process started. It's been cute to see the kids get excited to see what teacher brought treats and ask, "what did they make us?" It's funny for my younger kids to realize teachers don't live at school. They have lives outside of the building as well. I think we should do a cookbook fundraiser for the school next year. We have some good cooks and I'd even be willing to do the typing as I will have plenty of sitting or bed rest days. Just an idea! We've also received some delicious freezer meals from the high school. I know your lives are extrememly busy and I truly appreciate the time you've taken from your schedules to help our family.

I've received many notes and texts of encouragement from neighbors, friends and family. I have felt much love and concern from all of you and know that your kind words help me keep going. I have good days and bad days. I think I've been pretty honest in my writings. If sometimes I seem to be vague in my writing, like when I'm describing current symptoms, it's just because some things are too personal to write for everyone to read, since this is a public blog. But, like I've written before, attitude is everything; but every once in a while, when things get real tough, I need a little cry session. Just for a few minutes. Walks are good too, but do wear me out especially with the hotter days.

I appreciate all the rides that have been provided for my children these past several months. Busy time of life at our house, with six kids at home, all going different directions. I rarely have to call and ask. People have been so good to call and offer for many of their activities. Even just to have kids come and play after school or on Saturday for a few hours. I know my kids have loved it! Getting away from the house for a few hours is always nice.

To my family and friends that live far away, I love you for keeping in touch even from a distance. Suprise phone calls, texts, emails and even packages have arrived over the past several months and always make my day. The thoughtful ideas of what can be done to help our family is incredible. As we all go through our different experiences in life, it helps prepare us to know how to better help each other as diffferent circumstances arise and our family has been the beneficiary of many of these.

In two weeks I have my last chemo treatment. Excited to be at the end of the first phase. I have been blessed to not have been admitted to the hospital or have problems with my mediport getting infected. Blessings of many prayers in my behalf. People have asked, "what's next?" After my last round of chemo, they wait four weeks for my body to heal before we do the double mastectomy. I'm guessing middle to end of July. Then I need to fully heal from that before they start radiation. Again, usually plan four to six weeks to heal. Guessing they'll start radiation at the end of August beginning of September. I have to do radiation every day for 6 1/2 weeks after that. I will try to take a couple days off to take Rachael to college then resume radiation when I come back. The doctor thought that might be possible. Then after that, end of October or November will be the hysterectomy. Wow! 2015 will be a loaded year and one I'll always remember.

To all of you I say, "I love you!" Thank you for all you've done and are doing for my family. I pray my family always remembers the love that's been shown to us and carries it forward, when, like my title states, we See Ya On the Other Side.

7th Round of Chemo Down

Yesterday was my 7th round of Chemo. Gone for 8 hours. Makes for a tiring day. Just one more in two weeks! Today they put what they called a patch on my arm for my injection this week. I'm not sure why they called it a patch and compared it to a nicoderm patch. I've never worn one of those but this looks more like a pump. It's bulky and has a needle that's injected into my arm and will dispense my injection meds in 27 hours for 45 minutes then I can take it off. They wanted to put it on my stomach but I asked if it could go on my arm instead and they said yes. Interesting huh?

Grateful for this last couple weeks and my kids activities that I've been able to attend. Dallin was supposed to have 6th Grade Promotion today and Kiersten had a field trip but we decided to have our our own field trip and promotion since we wouldn't be able to attend today. Here are some pics from the last couple weeks.

Just finished Senior Leap Presentations!

Last CHS Choir Concert 

Bleaching hair for State 4x400 Team

  State Track 

Caleb, Dallas, Steven, Lane                                                                                                         

   Kiersten & Dallin's Ace Awards

Baccalaureate

   Heather, Jessica, Rachael, Makenna                                        Morgan, Cassi, Jenna, Rachael

Graduation!

      Rachael and Rebecca                                                                     Waiting to receive diploma          

It's official!

Family

ASB Officers

That's Why We Run the Race

That's Why We Run the Race

This is a post off of my facebook account that has nothing to do with my sickness. 

Just wanted it saved for later.

If everything was set in stone and the best kids or players always won, so we already knew who was going to win every race, then why do we compete? Because there's always that chance that someone will get sick, or hurt, or make a wrong move, or have a bad day and it will be someone else's turn to be on top. This post might end up a little longer then what I planned on but I want these boys on this team to know how proud I am of them tonight. Life sometimes teaches us lessons that we wish we didn't have to learn but they always help us grow.

Tonight, my sons 4x400 relay team had their first prelim heat at the 1A State track competition. (I am not a runner, so please excuse my running lingo if it's incorrect.) There were 2 heats or prelims for this 1A level of competition. From these 16 teams the field would be narrowed down to 8 finalists who will compete tomorrow. My sons team came into todays races ranked 10th. They knew they would have to run the race of their lives and PR to make it to the finals. They were in the first heat, the tougher of the two heats in my opinion, and had the fifth fastest time in that heat. They needed to place in the top 3 to secure their place in the finals. They would need to PR by 4-5 seconds in order to do this, which is a lot.

My son was the first leg of the race and as the race commenced we realized, oh my goodness, they're going to do it! They ran the race of their lives PRing by 4.91 seconds and securing third place 3:28:?. Everyone was thrilled! Not very long after this we found out our team had been disqualified and my son was the teammate given the DQ.

A judge ruled him as running on an inside line for 5 steps during a curve of the race none of us can even see, because they have bleachers set up in the way. As a parent, your heart sinks. Oh no, it was my kid. Then you immediately think of the poor Senior on the team and how he's going to react. Then you just want to find your kid and make sure they're ok, knowing that's not the case. So many emotions in such a short period of time.

By the time we found our son he was obviously emotional, but instead of fingers pointing and blame, we found hugs being given, tears shed and a team huddled together like the picture below before the race. It's easy to get mad at the judges and argue calls made. It happens in every sport, every game. But today, I saw boys turn into men. I know tonight will be hard but I love this golden haired team from Connell!! It was our turn to fall tonight, but our boys are men. Eagle Pride

Huddled for prayer before their race.

Warming up on the infield at Eastern.

Escorted to their starting line.

Setting his blocks for first leg of the 4x400.

Waiting for mark.

 Waiting to set. 

Trying to force a smile having recieved disqualification news; 
obviously upset and so sad for his team.

Tradition: All boys bleached their hair.